I've taken great joy lately in reading some of the Facebook posts on the page, "You know you're from Hampton if...".
So much joy, in fact, that I've decided to write another column about it. However, while most of you are remembering "the good old days," I have decided to go in a different, slightly more political direction:
You know you're from Hampton County if...
- To catch up on all the latest drama and gossip, as well as find out who is now single or who is sick or who passed away or who is having a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch, all you have to do is log on to Facebook. Send me a friend request, by the way, and I'll tell you how my boss and my wife are getting on my nerves (just kidding, ladies).
- You can be great at what you do but still lose your job if you do something the "the right people" don't like.
- The same obnoxious, bullying, preppy kids who thought they were better than everyone else and ran the school back then are still in town. And come to find out they ended up no better than you did in life. Except now they think they run the town.
- On Aug. 15 you suddenly notice scores of men with guns and dogs and trucks and camouflage staked out beside the highway for miles around. Either there's an escaped prisoner on the loose again, or it's the first day of deer season.
- When accused of a crime or facing other legal troubles, everyone in town, regardless of race, claims to be a close family member of the current "Buster" Murdaugh.
- There are three funeral homes in town, and they all have hard feelings for each other.
- People in Columbia tell you they never heard of the Town of Varnville until Henry Fields and Nat Shaffer came along.
- We re-elect convicted criminals to office, and then express shock and dismay when they break the law again and end up in federal prison.
- Our County Council has to spend taxpayer money to fund elected positions, but has no authority to make sure these elected officials do their jobs properly and responsibly.
- The public school system is failing about half of our students, while the only systems that seem to be successful are the "old buddy system" and the "good old boy system."
- We elect our public officials based on the color of their skin, not whether or not they will do a good job or run the office wisely and responsibly.
- The same people who talk trash about you on Facebook smile and wave at you in the grocery store, and call when they need a favor.
- All the cops around know who to give speeding tickets to and who to bust, as well as who to avoid.
- The same people who make you shake your head in disbelief during the week sit right up front in church on Sunday and sing louder than anyone else.
- Every Thursday someone gets angry at The Hampton County Guardian for printing something they would rather keep quiet. But their friends and neighbors already know all about it.
Well, I guess I'd better stop while I'm ahead. Or I might end up making someone angry, and even get sued.
Then I'll have no choice but to give Uncle Buster a call.