Just the other day I was talking to my old 4-H leader Dr. Roy Hollingsworth (Back when I first met him he wasn't a doctor yet, he just nice old Mr. Roy who knew an awful lot about life on the farm) and I was not a bit surprised when he told me that thanks to hard times more folks these days are returning to their agricultural roots.
Yep, according to the good Doctor, the economy has driven more folks back to planting gardens and raising chickens and such in order to put good, affordable food on the table for their families.
In other words, they've gone "country."
I can't say I blame them. My entire family is country. In fact, we were country when country wasn't cool.
We knew a long time ago that country was more than an economic choice. Country is about staying in touch with your roots, with God, and with nature. It's about sitting down to eat supper, and the only thing on the table that you didn't make or grow or catch or kill with your own two hands was that bottle of ketchup from the Piggly Wiggly.
Getting back to our country roots is a good thing. But how do you know if you've officially gone country? I asked Dr. Roy if 4-H had a simple quiz you could take to determine if you had truly gone "country" and it turns out they don't, so I made one up for y'all.
Let's see how you score on this quiz:
- Give yourself a point if you've ever dug taters barefoot. Add two if you've ever stuffed taters in your bra when your hands got full.
- Add one point if your momma used to cut your fried squash long ways so that they would have little fish shapes.
- Subtract a point if your Granny ever pulled up something wild out the yard and called it "greens."
- Give yourself one point if it takes more than an hour to feed all your critters. Give yourself two points if it takes that long just to feed the chickens and gather the eggs.
- Add a point if you know the difference between a milk goat and a meat goat.
- Give yourself one point if all the eggs in your refrigerator still have a little dab of "chicken flavoring" stuck to them. But subtract a point if you don't bother to wash it off before cracking it in the frying pan.
- Add a point if you've ever eaten a rooster salad sandwich or a guinea pot pie.
- Going country affects how you raise your children. Add a point to your score if your child has ever received a spanking for any of the following offenses: A) Squirting a chicken with a garden hose. B) Leaving a chicken yard gate open. C) Throwing an egg at someone.
- But subtract a point if the Department of Social Services had to come out and have a talk with you about your temper.
- Give yourself that point back if your child's school calls and expresses concerns because the young'un brought chicken innards to school in a coffee can for a science project or show and tell.
- Being country also affects your lifestyle and determines what you do for fun. Add another point if you've ever gone sow-back riding on a bronco named Bacon.
- Give yourself a point if your idea of a fun-filled Friday evening is sitting around the backyard grill watching the baby goats play with the kids. Add three more points if there is actually a goat simmering on that grill.
- Give yourself a point if, as a child, you ever read poetry to a bull named Maggot Face so you could memorize Shakespearean sonnets for your girlfriend. Subtract a point if the bull starts following you around the field with a dreamy, yet scary, look in his eyes.
Subtract two points if your neighbor has to call you in the middle of the night to come get your lovesick cow from his rose garden.
- Finally, give yourself five points if any type of homemade wine has ever caused you to make bad decisions at a family reunion.
Now add up all your points (and subtract any deductions), and if you earned a score of at least 10, then you can honestly say you've gone country.
Congratulations. Now take off your shoes, or put on a bra, and let's go dig some taters.